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If You Die, You Die...


Many years ago my wife and I were in Reno, and there I was at a slot machine, sitting beside two very elderly black ladies.  We chatted as we all fed the one armed bandits, and as I was feeding my coin eating monster I would look around the area to see if a seat had opened up at a Blackjack table close by.

During one of my table scouting missions, as I was looking away from the machine, I realized there was some loud clanging then bells began to ring and lights began to flash.  I turned to look at my lady friends next to me to see what they had won and they were in turn looking at me. So I then looked at the slot machine I had been feeding and it was the one that was clanging, banging and had the bells ringing.

Imagine my surprise when I tallied up the score and found out I had won $1,600.  I sat there, smiled, then hit the “cash out” button and the silver dollars began to fall making a big noise as they hit the tray below.  As the money was dropping the lady next to me leaned over to me and gently hit my arm with a backhand and said, “Isn’t it fun when that happens!”  

Without thinking I replied, “You bet it is, heck I think it’s even better than sex.”

Without missing a beat the lovely elderly woman shot back a reply as she gently tapped me on the shoulder repeatedly, saying, “Darlin’ you must be doing it all wrong then!!!”

Soon as she said it she and her friend began to laugh, nearly hysterically, and so did I.  As I shoveled the dollar coins into the plastic bucket I offered the ladies a drink on me at which point the other sweet granny chimed in, “No need to fill us with liquor to get us to your room young man, just ask!”, I nearly dropped my bucket when she said that and then we all laughed some more.

With an eerie and uncanny timing my wife appeared at my side and seeing me making time with my new found friends she asked what was happening and the lovely lady to my left told her, “Oh nothing that you would want to be part of!” and at that moment I nearly fell off my stool.

Overcome with hysterical laughter and unable to breathe or protect my winnings, my coin-grabbing bride scooped up a few hundred bucks and left me to my own devices, laughing, with tears streaming down my face and the faces of those fine old ladies laughing back at me.

I gave both of them a kiss on the cheek as I prepared to leave and to try and find the missing part of my winnings and the woman that held them, but just before I stepped away the lovely lady that offered to go with me to my room pressed further, “You ain’t gonna leave us here wanting are you young man?”

Stunned for a reply I offered a retort from an old joke, “At your age that kind of thing could be dangerous!”

Without missing a beat she looked me in the eye and with a twinkle in hers exclaimed, “You look like a healthy young man, but if you die, you die!”

I laughed for days after that encounter with those lovely ladies and every time I hear that old “If she dies, she dies” joke I nearly die from giggles. I did not get their names, nor where they were from, but they left a positive mark on my soul forever and for that I am so grateful.  I will never forget those lovely funny ladies as long as I live...

With that old catchphrase in mind when comparing sex to food, for the food to even be considered a quality replacement for the aforementioned activity it has to be good - no, great. While I have had some great food that has tickled a part of my prurient interest, none would have been better than sex, but stuffed chicken wings comes close. But then there was that Valentines Day night when with a bottle of chocolate syrup the two things became one. I digress....

In my spare time I chronicle the events at Snowy Palms Resort, Prince George's only operating den of iniquity. The level of debauchery at the Inn knows no bounds and the cook is a basket case, certifiable in fact.

A great recipe for Thai Stuffed Chicken Wings can be found somewhere around this blog...

Snowy Palms Resort

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